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I’m old enough to know that soulmates don’t really exist; it doesn’t mean I don’t believe in love. I just think a successful relationship is more like two adults who know each other’s flaws, and work together to come to an agreement. It’s continuous effort and immeasurable patience. I learned this the hard way (tbt to all my exes). I’d like to think I’ve lived, learned, and grown from my experiences. The heartbreaks taught me when I was being stubborn, when I should be strong, and when I wasn’t in love. Doesn’t it suck that after all that hurt, I’m ready to be in “new year, new me” mode, but my relationship is…just down right hard. To make matters worse, I’m very in love. The kind of love where I don’t think the honeymoon phase for me will ever go away. Of course every couple fights. Unless you’re twins and completely in sync (which is high key gross). After every fight, I learn something about him. I know what makes him mad, annoyed, happy. I try to create a space where we both can work with each other and it feels like he won’t ever get out of his bubble for me. I don’t know if it’s my insecurity talking but every time we talk about something/argue his first emotion is to yell at me and get annoyed. I get it. Feeling like he’s the problem and he’s always messing up. But why doesn’t he ever listen to the words I say? Why doesn’t he see that I’m trying to work at making our relationship better? Every couple fights. But I learned not to raise my voice at him because he gets more upset. Not to curse at him because he gets more anxious. Not to be unclear because he likes directness. Yet here I am. Alone. Crying lol. Because I wanted to hang out with him and he got mad since he wanted to go out and drink. Maybe I’m stuck. Idk.
